The day begins, and honestly, I never really know what’s coming...

By Eli Mercer on Mon Aug 25 2025

I find that uncertainty can feel especially intense. What might look like a “normal day” to others can feel unpredictable to me full of little surprises that can throw off my rhythm or even overwhelm my senses.

That’s why I try to create a plan and check in with my schedule. It’s not about controlling everything, it’s about giving myself something steady to hold onto. Here’s what helps me:

✅ Writing down or mapping out my day – Even if things change, seeing it written down helps me breathe easier. I often use color-coded lists or visual schedules to make things clearer.

✅ Starting with a grounding routine – For me, that might be making a cup of tea, stretching, or just sitting quietly before the world gets noisy. Sometimes I use noise-cancelling headphones or soft lighting to manage sensory input.

✅ Setting clear time blocks – Not just “I’ll get to it,” but “from 10 to 11, I’ll focus on this.” Visual timers or alarms help me stay on track.

✅ Building in breaks – I don’t always notice when I’m running low, so I set reminders to pause, stim, or just rest—without guilt. Sensory breaks are just as important as work breaks.

✅ Leaving space for flexibility – Things don’t always go as planned, and I’m still learning to be okay with that. It’s a work in progress.

I also remind myself that it’s okay to ask for support or accommodations when I need them. Every autistic person's experience is different what works for me might not work for you, and that’s totally valid.

Honestly, every day is a mix of structure and surprises. My plan isn’t perfect, but it helps me move through the day with a little less overwhelm.

✴️ To anyone who relates: how do you anchor your day? What routines, supports, or tools help you when things feel uncertain?

Replies (30)

Eli Mercer: @Charlotte, @Ray @Miles
This thread has really turned into something special. Thank you to everyone for sharing your perspectives—whether you’re autistic or not. It’s such a powerful reminder that, even though uncertainty can be really tough, having a supportive community makes it so much less isolating. I’m grateful for the honesty and encouragement here.
Real Ray C:
Same here. I used to mask constantly just to fit in, but it always left me completely drained. It’s definitely intimidating to be open about my routines or when I need a break, but there’s also a real sense of relief and freedom that comes with it. I’m learning that being honest about my needs is worth so much more than trying to blend in at the expense of my well-being.
Charlotte: Hearing you say “it makes me me” gave me chills. That’s the heart of it, autistic traits aren’t flaws, they’re parts of identity. The world needs more of that framing.
JugglingNothing:
Yes! I used to hide my routines too—sneaking away for sensory breaks so no one would think I was weird or different. These days, I’m much more open about it. I’ll just say, “I need five minutes,” and take the break I need. If people don’t understand, that’s their problem, not mine. It feels so much better to advocate for myself instead of trying to blend in at my own expense.
Eli Mercer: I’m glad we’re talking about this without shame. Growing up, I thought needing this much structure made me “weak.” Now I realize it just makes me me.
Real Ray C: Exactly. The line between “quirk” and “accommodation” is thinner than people think. If society normalized honoring those quirks, more of us would thrive.
Charlotte: Ray, I love your breakfast example earlier. It made me realize food routines are universal. Even neurotypical people get “hangry” or upset when they don’t have their morning coffee. Maybe the difference is just intensity and impact.
JugglingNothing: Haha, I can imagine that chaos. My dog once chewed one of my notes, and suddenly I lost half a day because it was my “important reminder.” Pets are like unpredictable variables in the system. 🐕
Real Ray C: I actually tried using sticky notes once, but my cat thought they were toys and knocked them all to the floor! 😂 So I ended up switching back to notebooks. Still, I totally get the appeal. Having a visual system really does make things easier to organize and process.
Eli Mercer:
Sticky notes! That’s honestly such a brilliant idea. I think I’m going to give it a try. My lists tend to get way too rigid, and I end up feeling boxed in by them. Using sticky notes sounds like the kind of flexible system I’ve been telling myself I need, but haven’t figured out how to create. I love the idea of being able to move things around as plans change.
JugglingNothing: Seconding Ray. Honestly, when someone non-autistic validates our needs, it feels like the fight is lighter for a moment. You’re not carrying our load, but you’re helping to balance it.
Real Ray C: That means a lot, Charlotte. Awareness matters, but action matters more. If people like you use your voice to normalize accommodations, it gives us breathing room.
Charlotte:
I just want to say how much I’m learning from all of you right now. These small adjustments you’re sharing seem manageable on the surface, but the way you talk about the effort and energy behind them really highlights how invisible these struggles can be. It’s eye-opening, and it makes me even more determined to advocate for greater understanding and awareness in my own circles. Thank you for being so open and honest. It truly makes a difference.
JugglingNothing:
That’s a really smart approach. I actually tried something similar with TV shows. Normally, I stick to rewatching the same few series because they’re familiar and comforting. But I challenged myself to watch one new episode of a different show each week. At first, it felt pretty uncomfortable and even a bit stressful, but as the weeks went by, it gradually became easier. Now, I’m starting to enjoy discovering new things, even if it’s just in small doses.
Eli Mercer: Honestly? I practice in low-stakes situations first. Like intentionally moving my cup from one shelf to another, or starting my walk 10 minutes later than usual. It sounds silly, but it helps train my brain to tolerate flexibility without panicking.
Real Ray C:
Your point about building flexibility into routines really resonates with me, but honestly, it’s something I still struggle with. When something in my plan changes unexpectedly, it can feel overwhelming sometimes, I go straight into meltdown mode. It’s like my brain just can’t process the shift, and I lose my sense of control.

I’m curious how you practice being okay with plans shifting. Do you have any strategies or small steps that help you adapt when things don’t go as expected? I’ve tried telling myself that “change is okay,” but in the moment, it’s hard to believe it. Are there ways you build flexibility into your routines without feeling like you’re losing your anchors? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you, even if it’s just little things. This is definitely an area where I want to grow, but I’m not sure where to start.
Charlotte: That makes me so frustrated on your behalf. It feels like the system punishes authenticity instead of embracing it. Imagine how much talent is lost just because environments aren’t willing to bend a little.
JugglingNothing: Ray, what you said about quitting… I relate. I once had to leave a role because they wouldn’t let me wear noise-cancelling headphones. It’s wild how people care more about “looking professional” than letting you actually do your job. 🎧
Eli Mercer:
Honestly, it’s a bit of a mixed experience. Sometimes people are understanding, but other times it feels like I’m constantly having to justify my needs or settle for the bare minimum. Over time, I’ve learned to frame my requests in a way that emphasizes how everyone benefits, like saying, “If I can work with fewer interruptions, I’ll be able to get more done.” It’s frustrating that I have to put it that way for people to take it seriously, but I’ve found it does make a difference. I just wish it didn’t have to be such a negotiation every time.
Real Ray C:
That’s so true. At my previous job, I worked up the courage to ask if I could move to a quieter area because the constant noise and distractions were overwhelming. Instead of understanding, my manager acted like I was just being difficult or asking for special treatment. It was really discouraging and made me feel like I didn’t belong there.

Eventually, the stress became too much, and I ended up quitting.
What people don’t realize is that denying reasonable accommodations doesn’t make us any less autistic; it just makes it harder for us to do our jobs, or even stay employed at all. Accommodations aren’t about getting extra privileges; they’re about having a fair chance to succeed and contribute like anyone else. I wish more workplaces understood that.
Charlotte: @Eli Mercer
Your point about “support or accommodations” struck me. Do you find people take you seriously when you ask them? I’ve seen workplaces give lip service to accommodations but then quietly push back when someone actually asks.
JugglingNothing: I laughed when you said “messy plans.” I’ve been trying sticky notes everywhere instead of perfect planners. My wall looks chaotic, but my brain feels calmer because I can move notes around when life shifts.
Eli Mercer:
Yes, “survival tools” really is the perfect way to describe it. People often assume we’re just being rigid or inflexible, but for me, it’s so much deeper than that. My routines are like anchors in the middle of a storm; they keep me steady when everything else feels unpredictable. If I skip my grounding routine, I notice right away that my ability to handle unexpected changes drops. Those small rituals make all the difference in helping me face whatever the day throws at me. 😉
Real Ray C: Charlotte, thank you for not brushing off routines as “childish” or unnecessary. So often, people make us feel ashamed or guilty just for needing a bit of stability in our lives. For me, routines aren’t just little habits; they’re survival tools that help me get through the day. It really means a lot when someone who isn’t autistic understands and respects that. Feeling seen and validated makes all the difference.
Charlotte: Miles, I just want to say, I admire how self-aware you are. Some people don’t realize how much “small” changes can rattle someone until they hear it explained. Your mug routine actually reminds me of how kids hold onto a favorite toy for security. Adults do it too, we just don’t always name it.
JugglingNothing: Ray, you really nailed it with the bus example. For me, it’s when my boss suddenly changes a meeting time at the last minute. Everyone else just seems to shrug it off and adjust, but for me, it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me. It’s like my whole sense of order for the day gets thrown off, and it’s hard to get back on track.
I totally get your breakfast routine. For me, it’s having my coffee in the same mug every single morning. That little ritual helps me feel grounded and ready to face the day. But if someone washes my mug and puts it somewhere else, I honestly start to panic. It sounds small, but that one change can make everything feel off.
It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who feels this way about routines and little disruptions. Thanks for sharing your experience; it makes me feel a little less alone in this.
Eli Mercer: Oh yes, I get stuck in planning loops too.
Sometimes I over-engineer the schedule, and then I’m too drained to follow it. I’ve been trying to give myself permission to make messy plans, just scribbles, no perfect system. It’s less pressure, and then I can actually act on it.
Real Ray C: Yes, exactly. The “little surprises” that other people seem to brush off can feel absolutely overwhelming to me. For example, when the bus suddenly changes its route without any warning, it’s not just a minor inconvenience; I can’t just “roll with it” like people expect. It throws off my whole rhythm for the day, and it can take a while to recover from that kind of disruption. That’s why I really appreciate your idea of grounding routines. For me, something as simple as starting my day with the same breakfast every morning makes a big difference. It’s a small, predictable moment that I can count on, no matter what else happens. Having that little ritual gives me a sense of control and a small win before the day even really begins. If things go sideways later, at least I know I started on the right foot.
JugglingNothing: Eli, your words really hit home for me. I’ve always felt like “normal days” aren’t really normal; they’re full of unexpected things that can throw me off. I use timers and color-coded lists too, and they help, but honestly, sometimes I spend so much energy making the plan that I don’t have much left to actually follow through with it. Do you ever feel that way, too? It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in this.🤭
Charlotte: Eli, your words really struck a chord with me. I’m not autistic myself, but I support my son who is, and reading your explanation about unpredictability helped me see things from his perspective. He uses color-coded planners, too, and I used to think it was just about being strict with routines. But now, I realize it’s so much more than that; it’s about finding peace of mind in a world that can feel overwhelming. Watching him check his planner isn’t about “rigidity,” it’s about creating a sense of calm and control.