The silent weight of teamwork and my journey to coping with it
By Real Ray C on
I’ll be honest: I hate teamwork. Not because I dislike people, but because as an autistic person, it feels like 90% of my energy goes into masking, constantly checking if my words are “acceptable,” rehearsing how I’ll sound, worrying I’ll come across too blunt. By the time I’ve filtered myself enough to “fit in,” I’m already exhausted.
Recently, I had a group project where the pitch was all about collaboration: “Everyone’s equal, share ideas, support each other.” The reality? Silence. No replies in the group chat, no feedback, not even a simple “yes” or “no” to the ideas I shared. The quiet was so heavy that eventually, the entire project landed in my lap.
I planned, I split tasks, I suggested directions. The other five? Still silent. And when presentation day came, there was no practice, no structure, no speaking order until one minute before going live. What I wanted was a team. What I got was: “If you care so much, you do it.”
For autistic people, teamwork can be especially draining. The unspoken rules, the lack of clarity, the expectation to “just go with the flow” all of it can feel overwhelming. In the past, situations like this would send me spiraling. I’d feel drained, resentful, and guilty all at once. But over time, I’ve learned to cope and even reclaim some peace of mind.
What Helps Me Cope
- - Set boundaries. When I notice I’m carrying too much, I state clearly what I can do and stop there. No more quietly absorbing the whole load.
- - Lower the bar for responses. Instead of waiting endlessly for feedback, I’ll say: “If I don’t hear back by tonight, I’ll assume this works.” It saves me from limbo.
- - Reframe teamwork. I’ve stopped expecting equal contribution. Some people will carry more, others less. My focus is on what I learn from the process, not on perfect fairness.
- - Lean into strengths. Organization and clarity are my strong points. Using them gives me a sense of control, even when the group itself is chaotic.
Do I still dislike teamwork? Absolutely. It’s unpredictable, messy, and often exhausting. But I’ve stopped letting bad group dynamics destroy me. Now, I walk away thinking: “I did my part. I learned something. And I don’t need to mask myself into the ground just to survive it.”
Teamwork doesn’t have to mean self-erasure. It’s not about loving teamwork, it’s about not letting it hollow you out. It’s about finding ways to protect energy, honor boundaries, and recognize that doing your part is enough.