For years I thought I couldn’t make friends — now I’m learning how to keep them
By Real Ray C on
So, yeah — not talking about the Dale Carnegie book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" 😅. Lately, it’s just been on my mind how complicated friendship can feel when you’re autistic.
For me, it’s never been about not wanting friends. It’s more that the steps that seem obvious to everyone else don’t always click. I overthink messages, second-guess tone, and sometimes forget that most people don’t analyze every word they say like it’s a puzzle.
But recently, I’ve started figuring out a few things that actually help:
- Shared interests are magic. Most of my closest friends came from talking about video games, art, or music. It’s so much easier when the conversation already has a focus.
- Online spaces count. Some of my favorite people are folks I met on Wefayo.com or autism-friendly communities. It’s nice being around people who just get it, without having to mask every few minutes.
- Be clear. Be honest. I used to worry that being direct would sound rude, but it’s actually helped a lot. Saying things like “I need a bit of quiet right now” or “I’m not sure how to respond, but I’m listening” makes communication smoother and more genuine.
I’m still learning how to be a good friend remembering to check in, to respond when I can, and to explain when I need downtime. But I’ve realized being autistic doesn’t make me bad at friendships. It just means I approach them differently with intention, honesty, and care.