does eye contact still make anyone else feel weirdly anxious?

Lately, eye contact has been on my mind mostly because I still can’t decide how I actually feel about it.

As a kid, I don’t remember thinking about it at all. I probably didn’t care whether I made eye contact or not, and no one around me seemed to care either. But as an adult on the spectrum, it’s suddenly become this big deal like there’s an invisible rulebook everyone else got, and I somehow missed the chapter on “proper eye contact.”

When I talk to people now, I’d honestly rather not look directly at them. It feels calmer, less overwhelming. But then I notice how others glance at me, waiting for that moment of connection, and I start to feel anxious like I’m doing something wrong just by being comfortable.

It’s strange, because avoiding eye contact feels natural, yet knowing that others see it as “off” makes me uneasy too. I end up overthinking it should I look now? Too long? Too short? By the time I figure it out, I’ve completely lost track of what’s being said.

It’s not that I don’t care about people. In fact, I listen better when I’m not forcing myself to manage my gaze like it’s part of a performance. Eye contact just takes up too much mental space.

Does anyone else feel this way?