when we finally slowed down, and started seeing our son again
By Charlotte on
Hi everyone, I want to share something that completely changed how I see parenting an autistic child.
Our son, Noah, is 3 years and 2 months old. A few months ago, we noticed he wasn’t talking as much. He had a few words before, but they started fading. He stopped responding to his name, avoided eye contact, and spent hours spinning the wheels on his toy cars.
At first, we thought it was just a phase. When it didn’t pass, we took him for an evaluation and that’s when the word autism entered our lives. I felt scared. Not because of him, but because I didn’t know what to do next.
We enrolled him in daycare, hoping that being around other kids would help him “open up.” But after two weeks, he came home overwhelmed crying more, sleeping less, and retreating even further into himself. It felt like we were losing him all over again.
That’s when I realized we were rushing him. We were trying to make him fit into the world’s rhythm instead of helping him find his own.
We pulled him out of daycare and focused on gentle therapies at home, sensory play, short speech sessions, outdoor time, and predictable routines. Slowly, he started humming again. Then smiling. Then, one morning, he whispered “mama” — a word we hadn’t heard in months.
That moment wasn’t just progress; it was connection.
If you’re unsure about what to prioritize school or therapy, here’s what I’ve learned:
Follow your child’s pace, not society’s.
Slow down when things feel too fast.
Build safety before pushing for socialization.
Noah isn’t in school yet, and that’s okay. He’s learning in his own way. And I’ve never been prouder of him.
To any parent feeling that same fear I once did: your child isn’t falling behind. They’re finding their own path and your love will light the way.
Replies (12)
- JugglingNothing: Thanks, Eli. I try to be. I’ve learned so much from her — mostly about patience and perspective. I think parents like Eli and Ray are changing how people see autism, one story at a time.
- Eli Mercer: Miles, your sister sounds like an amazing mom. Having a family that understands and supports instead of judges makes such a difference. You sound like you’ve been a big part of her support system, too.
- Real Ray C: Yeah, that’s exactly what it feels like, swimming upstream. But once you stop fighting the current and just move with your child’s rhythm, things start to make sense. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
- JugglingNothing: Ray, I really admire how you handled that with Ava. It takes a lot of patience to slow down when everyone around you is telling you to “keep up.” My sister said it felt like swimming against the current too.
- Eli Mercer: Exactly, Ray. Safety is the foundation for everything: communication, learning, and connection. I see it every day in my work. Kids don’t need to be “pushed”; they need to be understood. It sounds like you and Eli both figured that out beautifully.
- Real Ray C: I love what you said about helping kids feel safe enough to explore. That’s exactly what we learned with Ava. When she feels safe, she opens up naturally. When she’s overwhelmed, she shuts down. It’s such a delicate balance.
- Charlotte: I completely understand your sister’s guilt. I felt that too, like I was failing Noah somehow. But once we stopped chasing milestones and started focusing on connection, everything shifted. It’s amazing how much calmer life feels when you stop comparing.
- Eli Mercer: @Charlotte This post really got to me. My nephew is on the spectrum, and I’ve watched my sister go through something similar. She used to feel guilty for not “doing enough,” but once she stopped comparing him to other kids, everything changed. He started thriving at his own pace. What you said about following your child’s rhythm is gold.
- Charlotte: That means a lot coming from someone who works with kids. It’s reassuring to hear that we’re on the right track. I used to think slowing down meant falling behind, but now I see it’s the opposite; it’s how Noah learns best.
- Eli Mercer: I don’t have kids, but I work as an early childhood therapist, and your story really moved me. What you described, slowing down, creating safety, following Noah’s rhythm — that’s exactly what helps children thrive. It’s not about pushing them into the world; it’s about helping them feel safe enough to explore it. You’re doing something really beautiful.
- Charlotte: Ray, thank you for saying that. It’s comforting to know we’re not alone in this. That “drifting away” feeling is so real, it’s like you’re trying to reach your child through fog. I’m so glad Ava found her way back to you, too. It really does take slowing down to see them clearly again.
- Real Ray C: Charlotte, this hit me hard. My daughter, Ava, is 4, and we went through almost the same thing last year. She stopped talking, stopped looking at us, and I remember feeling like I was watching her drift away. Pulling her out of daycare was the best decision we ever made, too. Once we slowed down and gave her space, she started coming back to us little by little. Your story brought back so many emotions.