Sometimes being a parent starts feeling like a full-time caregiving job

A parent once described her life to me in a way I couldn't stop thinking about. She said she still loved her autistic teenager deeply, but she barely felt like a mom anymore. Her days were appointments, school meetings, paperwork, medication questions, routines, meltdowns, advocating, prompting, planning, and constantly preparing for the next problem. She wasn't tired of her child. She was tired of carrying almost everything. What hurt most was watching other families take vacations, celebrate milestones, and simply enjoy being together while her own family seemed to revolve around managing disability. She would see those pictures online and feel jealous. Then she'd feel guilty for being jealous. Then she'd put those feelings away and get back to taking care of everyone else. Eventually, she realized she had become so focused on keeping her child functioning that she had stopped asking herself how she was functioning. That doesn't make her selfish or unloving. Parents can adore their autistic children and still feel exhausted, isolated, angry, or grief-stricken about how different their lives turned out. Those feelings can exist alongside love. Sometimes what a family needs isn't another parenting tip or another therapy recommendation. It might be respite care, financial assistance, a relative who can actually help, a supportive school, or someone who can simply listen without judging. And autistic teenagers deserve something important too. They shouldn't become the person everyone blames for a family's exhaustion. The real problem may be a family being asked to provide 24/7 support with nowhere near enough support around them. Parents need care too. Not because their autistic children are burdens, but because no one should be expected to carry an enormous caregiving load alone.