Understanding ourselves first helped me build better relationships
By Eli Mercer on
Something I’ve been contemplating a lot lately is this idea that if we want to understand the way we think and why we sometimes make misjudgments, we first have to look at what influences our behavior.
For a long time I used to feel confused about social situations. I would replay conversations in my head and wonder if I said the wrong thing or if someone misunderstood me. Occasionally I misread a tone, or I didn’t pick up on a subtle social cue. Other times I assumed someone was upset with me when they actually weren’t. Those moments can make relationships feel really fragile.
But over time I started paying attention to what influences how I react to people. Things like sensory overload, social anxiety, past experiences, or even just feeling mentally drained can affect the way I communicate. When I’m overwhelmed, I might seem distant. When I’m nervous, I might overthink every little interaction.
Understanding those influences helped me become more patient with myself.
It also helped me become more intentional in my relationships. I started communicating more openly. Sometimes I’ll tell someone directly that I process things differently or that I might need slightly more clarity in conversations. The surprising thing is that most people respond with kindness when they understand where you’re coming from.
Relationships don’t require perfection. They require honesty, effort, and people who are willing to understand each other.
When we take the time to understand our own patterns and what affects our behavior, we become better at navigating connections with others. We learn when to pause, when to explain ourselves, and when to give both ourselves and other people grace.
And the right people will appreciate that effort. They won’t expect you to think or communicate exactly like everyone else. They’ll value you for who you are.
Understanding yourself isn’t just personal growth. For many of us on the spectrum, it’s also the first step toward building relationships that actually last.