I’m so tired of living inside my own head
By Eli Mercer on
I’m completely worn out by my own head. I hate being here mentally, and I hate how draining it is to exist like this. This past week absolutely wrecked me — I felt crushed, hopeless, and barely able to function. Everything felt too heavy to carry.
And then, like a cruel joke, my mood flipped.
Suddenly I’m buzzing with energy, my thoughts racing, wanting to do everything all at once reach out to people, make big plans, change my whole life overnight. Even though just a few hours ago I felt like I was falling apart. The shift is so extreme it leaves me feeling unsteady and out of control.
I’m bipolar, and this constant swing between extremes is exhausting. The “up” moments aren’t fun or empowering like people assume. They’re chaotic. My mind won’t slow down, my body feels overstimulated, and I don’t trust my emotions because I know how quickly they can turn on me.
I’m so tired of picking up the pieces after every crash and trying to hold myself together when my brain keeps pulling me in opposite directions. I just want some balance. Some calm. A break from fighting myself all the time.