Parenting a child with ADHD: Instructions are optional…for their brain
By Charlotte on
I’m a mother to a child with ADHD, and one of the traits that shows up most consistently in our home is forgetfulness. Not the occasional kind that everyone experiences, but the kind that shapes our routines, our mornings, and sometimes our patience. It’s something I see daily, and over time, I’ve come to understand it in a much deeper way.
One morning stands out clearly. I asked my child to put on their shoes so we could leave the house. It was a simple request, and they acknowledged it confidently. A few moments later, I found them in the living room holding only one shoe, completely absorbed in explaining something they had just remembered was very important. By the time they finished explaining, they had forgotten both the story and the task. One shoe was still missing, and we were still not ready to leave. It was such a small moment, but it perfectly captured how their mind works.
We’ve had mornings when they forgot their water bottle, afternoons when their lunch stayed behind, and evenings when they proudly announced they remembered everything except the backpack. At first, these moments frustrated me. I worried I was doing something wrong as a parent, or that they weren’t trying hard enough. But the more I learned about ADHD, the more I realized that forgetfulness isn’t a moral failure. It’s a neurological reality.
Now, instead of responding with irritation, I focus on support. We use reminders, visual cues, and routines. We slow things down. We laugh when we can, and we reset when things fall apart. Some days are harder than others, and I won’t pretend patience always comes easily. But understanding has changed how I show up for my child.