Can someone with down syndrome marry someone without down syndrome?
By Charlotte on
A friend of mine was recently asked whether a person with Down syndrome could marry someone who does not have Down syndrome.
She said the question made her realize how many people still think of adults with Down syndrome as children who will never have adult relationships.
But adults with Down syndrome can fall in love, date, have serious relationships, and some do marry.
Of course, marriage is a major decision for anyone. The important thing is whether both people understand what marriage involves, can freely consent, communicate their wishes, and have the level of support they may need.
Every person with Down syndrome is different. Some adults need considerable assistance with everyday decisions, while others are much more independent.
What should not happen is assuming someone is incapable of love or a relationship simply because they have Down syndrome.
They can have preferences. They can experience attraction. They can become deeply attached to someone. They can enjoy companionship and want to build a life with another person.
They can also experience the less comfortable parts of relationships, including disagreements, disappointment, jealousy, and heartbreak.
In other words, they are adults with adult emotions.
My friend said that one of the biggest changes she has seen is learning to stop asking what a person with Down syndrome can supposedly do based on the diagnosis and start asking what his particular person can do.
That distinction matters.
A diagnosis can tell us that someone may need certain types of support. It cannot tell us who they will love, what kind of relationship they will want, or what kind of person they will become.
Maybe the better question isn't whether someone with Down syndrome can have a normal relationship.
Maybe it's why we still assume their relationships should be considered abnormal in the first place.