By Eli Mercer on
My Kind of Beautiful Isn’t Always Seen — But It’s Real.
Today, I want to talk a little about what it’s like living on the deeper end of the spectrum. For people like me, it means needing help with things other people don’t even think about. Sometimes I need someone to help me get dressed, or eat, or just make sure I’m safe. I don’t always speak out loud, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand or feel things. In fact, sometimes I feel them even more deeply.
When people hear “profound autism,” they often think it’s just a tragedy. But it’s not. It’s just my reality. It comes with a mix of joy, pain, routine, chaos, and a kind of beauty that’s hard to explain in words.
Most days, I need to stim to feel okay. That might mean rocking, flapping, humming, things that help me stay regulated. I know it can look odd to people who don’t understand, but it’s how I cope. I also need someone around for things that might seem basic or easy to others. But needing help doesn’t make me a burden.
My brain isn’t broken. It’s just different. I don’t see the world the way most people do, but the way I see it is still real and meaningful. I notice little things others miss. Sunsets can make me cry. Music can make me flap my hands and feel free. I don’t always use words, but I still feel love, and I show it in my ways.
I’m really proud of the fact that I keep going every day in a world that isn’t built for people like me. This is my kind of beautiful, even if not everyone can see it.
Replies (30)
- Charlotte:
Same here, Eli. We see you, and we love you just as you are. ❤️
- Real Ray C:
Amen to that. And I want you to know I see you. I really do.
- Eli Mercer:
Yeah. We deserve to feel proud. Even if it’s just for getting through the day.
- JugglingNothing:
Ray, I appreciate you saying that too. Not enough people tell us it’s okay to be proud of surviving.
- Charlotte:
Thank you for explaining all this. I’ll be thinking about it for a long time.
- Eli Mercer:
I’m glad that part connected. I think people don’t realize how much energy it takes to just exist sometimes.
- Real Ray C:
Eli, you said you’re proud of surviving every day in a world not built for you. That line hit me hard. It’s true. And you should be proud.
- JugglingNothing:
Thanks Charlotte. I think the best thing we can do is be open. If we’re not, people just fill the gaps with assumptions.
- Charlotte:
Miles, I like how you always back Eli up but also share your own stuff. It makes this feel safe for everyone.
- Eli Mercer:
Thank you, Miles. That means a lot coming from you. You’re always honest too.
- JugglingNothing:
Seriously, Eli, keep writing. You have a gift for explaining this stuff without sugarcoating it.
- Real Ray C:
I respect that. I think being real is brave, especially in a world that wants you to be quiet or invisible.
- Eli Mercer:
It’s okay, that’s why I wanted to write it. I used to feel embarrassed about stimming in front of people, but I’m trying to stop hiding it.
- Charlotte:
That makes sense. I admit I didn’t really get it before. I thought it was just a habit or something.
- JugglingNothing:
Yep. For me stimming is like breathing. If you stop me from doing it, I feel like I’m drowning.
- Eli Mercer:
Good question. I think people think it’s bad or wrong. But for me, it’s calming, grounding. It’s not something to fix.
- Real Ray C:
I’m curious, Eli, do you think there’s something people really don’t get about stimming? Like, what’s the biggest misconception?
- Eli Mercer:
Of course, you can share it. I’d be honoured. I want people to understand this side of autism better. 🥰
- Charlotte:
Eli, do you mind if I share your post with my sister? She works with kids who are non-verbal, and I think your words would really resonate.
- JugglingNothing:
Exactly. And the worst is when people act like helping you is this massive favour instead of just... caring.
- Eli Mercer:
Yeah, I know you get it, Miles. I think the hardest part is feeling like I’m “too much” for people.
- Real Ray C:
Miles, that’s so real, man. It’s hard to admit needing help. I respect you both for talking about it.
- Charlotte:
The way you wrote about sunsets and music actually made me tear up. It’s beautiful, Eli. You see things so vividly.
- JugglingNothing:
I get what you mean about needing help with daily stuff. I’ve had to rely on people for things that embarrass me. It’s taken forever to accept it’s okay.
- Eli Mercer:
Thanks Ray. It’s good to know you’re there. Even just knowing someone’s listening makes it easier to talk.
- Eli Mercer:
Charlotte, I appreciate that so much. I want people to understand it’s not just sad or hard, there’s beauty too.
- Eli Mercer:
Thanks, Miles. That line about not being a burden was hard to write. It’s something I have to keep reminding myself too.
- Real Ray C:
Wow, this is powerful. I know it’s not easy to say these things. You’re helping us see you, really see you. I’m listening.
- Charlotte:
I’m so grateful you posted this, Eli. It’s clear how much thought and care you put into describing your world. It actually taught me things I hadn’t really understood before.
- JugglingNothing:
Eli, thank you for sharing this. It’s honest in a way that’s rare. I really felt it when you said needing help doesn’t make you a burden. More people need to hear that.