when my nonverbal son cries at night, I feel like I’m failing him
By Real Ray C on
My son is nonverbal, and there are times, especially late at night, when he just starts crying loudly. He doesn't just fuss a little, but cries deeply, as if something is truly bothering him. As his dad, it hits me right in the chest because I don’t always know what he’s trying to tell me.
I’ll sit next to him and try everything I can think of. I check if he’s hungry, uncomfortable, too hot, too cold, or if something in the room is bothering him. Sometimes I rub his back or just sit there quietly so he knows I’m there. Some nights it helps. Other nights… it doesn’t.
And those are the moments when the guilt creeps in. I start wondering if I’m missing something obvious. If there’s something he needs that I just can’t figure out.
But during the day, I see how strong and amazing he is in his own way. The way he smiles when he’s happy. The way he trusts me enough to come sit next to me. Those little moments remind me that even if communication is different for us, the bond is still there.
Parenting a child with profound autism can feel isolating sometimes, especially when you’re exhausted and it’s 2 AM. But I know there are other parents out there who understand exactly what this feels like.
Some nights I feel helpless. But I still show up every night because he’s my son, and I love him more than anything.