I’m helping my friend get through a breakup and sometimes communication can be tough.
By Eli Mercer on
My friend has been dating his girlfriend for almost two years. They’re both autistic, and while they care about each other, the relationship has been getting harder for him emotionally and mentally. He wasn’t dealing with cheating or fights or anything dramatic just a constant communication mismatch that left him exhausted. Every conversation felt like a puzzle with missing pieces, and every time he tried to bring up an issue, it turned into a marathon of questions, explanations, and “what if I change?” loops that left him overwhelmed.
He finally hit his breaking point when they spent more extended time together, and the communication strain became impossible to ignore. He told me he didn’t want to hurt her, but he also knew he couldn’t keep pretending things were normal. The problem was that he had no idea how to break up with her without it spiraling into hours of circular conversations, debates, and attempts to renegotiate the relationship.
So he planned. He wrote down what he wanted to say, rehearsed it, and kept everything focused on his emotions instead of her actions. He also decided to set boundaries ahead of time, if the conversation became repetitive, he would gently but firmly end it. When he finally talked to her, he kept everything straightforward and didn’t offer “maybes” or future possibilities. And for the first time, he didn’t get pulled back into the endless cycle of questions.
It wasn’t easy for him, and it definitely wasn’t easy for her. But he told me afterward that being clear, calm, and consistent made all the difference. He wasn’t harsh just honest.
I’m sharing this because a lot of people don’t realize how much communication fatigue plays into autistic relationships. Breaking up isn’t just emotional, it’s mentally draining. But sometimes, being direct and setting boundaries is the only way to protect yourself and the other person from dragging out more hurt.