Never lower your standards for anyone

If you’re reading this, please hear me: do not lower your standards to make someone else comfortable. Not in dating, not in friendships, not in any relationship. Your standards aren’t “too much”, they’re how you stay safe, regulated, and emotionally healthy.

I don’t need constant texting or instant replies, but going silent for days without explanation doesn’t work for me. For my autistic brain, consistency matters. Clear communication matters. When someone disappears, my anxiety spikes and I start overanalyzing everything.

For a long time, I told myself I was being “flexible” or “understanding.” In reality, I was ignoring my own needs and masking to keep the peace. I kept attracting emotionally unavailable people and convincing myself that if I just tried harder, stayed quieter, or asked for less, things would improve.

Instead, I fell in love with potential. I believed who someone said they wanted to be rather than what their actions showed me every day. I gave more effort, more patience, more grace and then felt hurt and resentful when it wasn’t returned.

Learning to set boundaries has been life-changing. Holding my standards doesn’t make me rigid or demanding... it makes me clear. The right people don’t shame you for needing consistency or clarity. They don’t call your needs “too much.” They meet you where you are.

Don’t shrink yourself to fit someone else’s comfort. The right connection will feel steady, respectful, and safe not confusing or draining.