My biggest fear when I start talking to a woman is saying “No”
By JugglingNothing on
Every time I start talking to a woman, things usually feel okay at first. Messages go back and forth. There’s some excitement. I start thinking, maybe this could be something.
I imagine her asking to hang out on a day I’m already drained. Or wanting to move faster than I’m ready for. Or expecting something I don’t know how to give yet. And in my head, I see myself needing to say one simple word: NO. That word scares me more than being rejected.
Rejection feels familiar. I can brace for it. But saying no feels risky in a different way. I worry it’ll be misunderstood. That she’ll think I’m not interested, or that I don’t care, or that I’m being difficult. I’ve had enough experiences where my intentions didn’t come across the way I meant them to, and that makes me second-guess everything.
So sometimes I say yes when I’m unsure. Or I delay responding while I try to figure out the “right” answer. Or I replay conversations afterward, wondering if I already messed things up without realizing it.
Dating feels like a series of invisible rules that everyone else picked up naturally. For me, it feels like I’m constantly translating myself and hoping the meaning doesn’t get lost.
I’m curious if anyone else here relates.