Should She Take Her Ex Back?

A friend recently told me her ex wants to get back together, and she's seriously considering it. There's just one thing she can't get out of her head. During the month and a half they were apart, he kissed a few other people. She's hurt, jealous, and wondering if getting back together would mean she's accepting something she can't actually forgive. I asked her to put that question aside for a minute. Why did you break up in the first place? If the same problems are still there, getting back together probably won't fix anything. You'll just be restarting the same relationship with the same problems. I also asked her whether she was actually happy when they were together. Did she feel respected? Could she trust him? Did they communicate well? Was she able to be herself around him? Because missing someone isn't the same thing as being compatible with them. And there's another uncomfortable question. If you take him back, can you eventually stop thinking about what happened while you were apart? If you're going to bring it up every time you argue, the relationship may never really get a fresh start. If they were genuinely broken up, he didn't necessarily betray her by kissing someone else. But she's also allowed to realize that it changed how she sees him. Nobody is required to get back together just because the feelings are still there. I'd tell her to stop asking, "Do I still love him?" Ask instead, "If I met this person today, knowing everything I know now, would I still choose him?" That answer might tell her more than her feelings ever could.